Past, Present, Future...

to where do past hurts truly withdraw? to what degree do present hurts disinter? how does one overcome or evade hurts as obstacles revealed for later seasons?...this cluttered mindset desires to communicate with precision and purpose...intentional love delivered graciously and brimming with joy to a target unseen....clouded thoughts...sorting through the past, the present and the future...future foretold, but for what reason? To grant peace or to instill patience misguided to impatience and pride?...present being analyzed to a crippling grade...analysis based in a Christ focused goal, but reaction based in past affliction...the present has ultimately become detrimental to the future just as the past is fatal in regards to the present...this cycle is disgusting!!! How does she stop this....opening doors based on past thorns and closing communication based in fear of rejection....who is rejecting her anyway? Rejection as a closed door becomes a supernatural blessing! blessing comes from her Divine Originator, her Master Designer....so, rejection as promotion through honesty! Lies, enormous or trivial, breathe destruction on all hearts involved...secrets lend to anxiety and distrust...distrust to resentment, resentment to poor communication, poor communication to blame shifting, blame shifting to useless 'you' statements....I can only change her, she can only change her, me can only change her,....Christ the Center of her....change to Christ-likeness....no more fear, replaced with total trust in joy and peace in unconditional love with plans to prosper His princesses and princes...she runs to the Father...through an unblemished field of flush white blossoms....she is sold out and captivated by her King!

I do not know...superlative?

to where do I find serenity? Where shall I station a heart deteriorating by way of uncertainty? My Supreme Couturier fatigued with my fatal skepticism. I find myself backsliding as I abort the gift of faith....superlative? Is it? Really? These inquiries splatter my waking hours with examination by frustration nourished in distrust....Trust, is it a supernatural superlative? Trust? Peace? Might one be the result of another? How do I know as I drowned attempting to wade into life amidst the turbulence of depression and anorexia meeting as the crashing of bitter waves. Now, this present struggle....this apparent squall of distance, love, trust, peace, frustration, patience...that's the real contention! she is as impatient as the fashion industry. She is steadfast and unchanging in her hearts desire, yet at the same time, she is victim to her wants. Does she need him? She would hassle to prove that she does, but does she really or does she yield to a self-centered want? Only her Creator has the 'ending' at His fingertips. She wants the outcome at her arms reach. She must release control. She leisurely kills her true Master Designed being. No longer does he observe characteristics of a woman at peace in her Creator. He observes chaos...he is remained in unadulterated befuddlement. She is screaming for his commitment to love her forever, but he is frightened to let go and let God escort him into a divine appointment. Grant her patience...grant her peace,but most of all grant him clarity to embark upon the most astounding and blessed journey of all. A man and woman as one unit racing to Him while overflowing with His love upon all within the path referred to as life. That's a superlative...a relationship ordained in Christ and surpassing 'NORMAL'!!! She is patience in Christ even though the unseen must become the seen. To where shall I find peace in patience?

Pain in His Grace

James 1: 2-5
Dear brothers and sisters, whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy. For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything. If you need wisdom - if you want to know what God wants you to do - ask Him, and He will gladly tell you. He will not resent your asking.Allow yourself to feel your pain...acknowlege it and experience the endearment from Your Father to you and from you extending it to others. You will be closer to the heart of the Father in your pain as it is only a portion of the pain that Christ experienced on the cross. If you are in extreme pain then you must rejoice in it because ultimately it means your Daddy is loving you where you are at. He is building character in His princess....His princess has been living in the reality of pain for the past week and it is certainly not easy, but His purpose is better than her walls of anger, resentment, self-hate, and bitterness!

She Crawled onto The Chopping Block

The purest white space...a large block before her...His throne just before the block...His ankles enormous at her eye's level...the gallish one behind her. The One on the throne was immense and she was unable to view every part as He was so vast....the demonic one just her size if not more decrepit than her own human frailty. She proceeded to place herself onto the chopping block without hesitation...with white knuckles and a blood curdling scream for a command to 'relent', she held onto His ankles with no intention to release. Ash wood bendable but not breakable...less flammable than most wood...she will not let go! The enemy stabbing at her flesh, but it does not pierce...the enemy drags his dagger down her spine...she holds fast to His ankles. She is all too aware of the extreme pain...pain that overwhelms her earthly world...pain of circumstances in the flesh, but she still holds fast to His ankles. She is screaming for release....'tell him to stop', but her strength is so great as long as she squeezes His ankles...her pain tolerance is supernatural on that chopping block as she experiences an ability to endure the pain...almost as if the hellish torment cannot destroy or kill her despite the dagger in her spine. She is at peace and continues to willingly be wrought with death strategies as her King shelters her in His great strength and might!...The pain is bearable with Him....she takes comfort in the obvious fact that He knows she will not surrender to the demonic one...She will crawl onto the chopping block again................

4 Great Obstacles---->The Throne

She faced a great obstacle...she walked right over the obstacle as if it were a cake walk! She faced a second great obstacle...she walked right through it as if it were as superficial as paper! She faced a third great obstacle...she stared at it contemplatively and then without hesitation she walked around it! Now, she faces her fourth great obstacle...she faces it still....she is facing it currently...she is glaring at it wondering how to overcome this fourth great barrier! This great obstacle is the trial she must not truckle to...she must overcome, she must overcome, she must overcome. Endurance to destroy this fourth obstacle...this fourth test of faith! She is a shallow bowl being transformed into a deep cylinder....she is being pressing on every side so as to loose all of her and gain all of Him...only the finest of transformations...only the glorious of what is within will remain! This fourth barrier still enormous and overwhelming....the fourth barrier representing a gamut of devastation at a horizontal viewpoint.....she breaths in deep and releasing striving to tear this great obstacle to dust beneath her feet of His stance...she hears, "You must speak my Word to this fourth obstacle if you want to succeed!...Speak My Word to demolish this barrier!" She can see Him or maybe she is merely aware of His presence on the other side of the obstruction...she wants to rest in His arms...she wants ALL of Him not more of Him, but ALL of Him and none of her...why is she struggling to speak His Word to this blockade...overcoming the first three were done in such grace with no striving, but their was physical action required...why is speaking Truth difficult? Why is she hesitating in this moment? Why is she speechless...she feels mindless...she places all of herself on the altar....she says, "wipe this slate clean! Renew a right way in me and give me a pure heart a clean heart! Fill me with ALL of You Jehovah!" He obliterates all she placed on the altar with one fell swoop of His forearm...Bring your desires to me....Bring your hearts desires to me....set them here before me and trust that my purpose, destiny and dreams for you are abundantly good! Speak Truth to that barrier...Speak. Come to my Throne at my feet or into my lap and rest....Be still Princess...Be Still I command!

Swirling Angels

Eyes wide shut...standing with limbs unbounded...She waited! Again, carmel fields surrounded....spotless sky abounded as a flawless white ribbon swirled around her! In perfected harmony with the heavens...the ribbon ascended into the atmosphere...up to the heavens....it was interlaced with His mighty grip...a vertical connection orchestrated by His divine nature....She just stood in incomprehensible peace with her neck flaccid and her eyes set on His...the ribbon swirling in perfect circles around her frailty...she became strengthened in the tunnel of wrapping ribbon...she was still in the solitude of vision to His gaze set upon her beauty....not a flinch...not a blink...not even a wink....just still in His love....in His ravishing gaze upon His beloved...a focus as He and her stood at a wedding altar....she had no pull to be elsewhere...just solace in His presence! No more discord for a moments time....no more pain for just a purposed second....His love always intentional, always unconditional, always just always!

Her Life Flashed Before Her Eyes...

She made the right turn and hugged the sidewalk so as to avoid oncoming traffic in the lane beside her...a large and slow moving sewage truck just ahead of her and an electric blue dodge ram hemi pulling a trailer transporting a lawn mower. The enormous truck barreling down the hill she had just come from as she looks over her left shoulder to merge her way into the fast traveling lane. The blue truck far enough off for her to make her way in she begins....she hears a loud whistling noise to her left and behind her, but thinks not much of it! She should have glanced over her left shoulder once more...the driver of the blue truck had become overwhelmed with rage at the realization of her desire to get into 'his' lane!....he sped up and at this point she was 75% of the way into 'his' lane but still 25% in her starting lane....The blue truck now just beside her and partially in the center turning lane without a moments give of increasing speed...he was not going to let her finalize her entrance into 'his' lane. As he merges back toward her honda civic in an attempt to push her back to the her original lane, his wheel is riding on her driver door and with his still increasing speed his headlight snaps her left view mirror off....She makes a desperate attempt to merge back into her original lane, but by now the sewage truck is on her right......she watches her mirror disappear into thin air within a splite second and she thinks 'this is it'....she blacks out and releases control as she is about to be crushed between two huge machines!!!!!!!!!

Life so fleeting....Life so precious....Life so fragile....Life so not within her control to live....Life almost taken without regard....Yet, her Life so protected by her Protector and Friend. She is reminded of arguing with the one she loved here and what a waste of time it was....She is realizing that she should have just enjoyed him for the fullness of who God created him to be....She is realizing that praising her King is crucial to being covered in grace....She is grasping the importance of just dripping with love and not resentment, hate, shame, guilt of jealousy.....She is learning to be grateful for every moment of life as He can give and take away to make us stronger for the journey while we temporarily squat here on earth...She is shaken!!!!