This Game of Life!

I scowl at passers-by when my mind tells me to smile.

So, are my thoughts your thoughts?

I want to encourage those who carry sadness, but I say not a word.

So, are my thoughts your thoughts?

I want to hug the sunken shoulders of broken dreams, but I keep on drivin'.

So, are my thoughts your thoughts?

I want to rearrange the wrinkles of a distorted self-image, but I project the same scowl.

So, are my thoughts your thoughts?

I see beauty, but I remain betrothed to silence of being rejected.

So, are my thoughts your thoughts?

The thought is not what counts.

The execution by action in unconditional love is what counts.

So, are my non-actions my self-destructing thoughts?

Patiently Waiting... Whisper that I am Beautiful!

Driving down the road here in Franklin, TN

There is this picture before me

I am racing to my next errand

as I frantically soak up all that is at hand

Somewhere in between the time

there is a place that my heart stops to rest

A blink and it's gone

I am patiently waiting for You

I am feverishly searching for You

as I strive to be beautiful

I am patiently waiting for You

I am ineffectively changing for You

as I wait to be told that I am beautiful

I walk up the stairwell to work here in Nashville, TN

There's a dream set ahead of me

I pace between tasks

as I long to reach my next potential

Somewhere inside of the passing hours

there is a space that buffers the frantic

A breath and it dissipates

I am patiently waiting for You

I am feverishly searching for You

as I strive to be beautiful

I am patiently waiting for You

I am ineffectively changing for You

as I wait to be told that I am beautiful

Please whisper to me that I am Beautiful!

Chasm of Unanswers - Waiting for the Obverse?

I find myself at a place of smitten. He is sweet and absolutely hysterical. I am serious, but I love to laugh. He is rather brilliant and completely adorable. I am academically inclined, but I prefer the spiritual. He is privy to the things of the Spirit - the deeper things of God. This I appreciate, but my spirit is wrestling. I am not sure with what as it goes between two. Is this You or is this my jaded goggles telling me to put him under a magnifying glass. He thinks I am the fairest of them all. I feel like a princess. I mean I know I am a princess, but now I am held as one in the natural. Therefore, is he for real or must I stick him unconditionally under a magnifying glass. I will lose him if I do this, but if I do not I might be devastated. He preached in his past and now he writes. Beautiful is how I feel when I am with him. Am I selling myself short? Am I settling? Everyone else says I am and they even go so far as to deliver terrible information about him. One in particular says he has 'beauties' all over town despite never having met him. Is that discernment or is that judgment? Is that based on truth or based on assumption of his actions toward me and the patterns of man's past in such circumstances? Priceless is how I feel when I am with him. Am I being manipulated? Am I settling? Am I selling out? I seek HIS face in the night, HIS face in the morning. Yet I think about him all day and analyze whether or not HE is telling me 'NO'. I am blurred! I am unsure! Do the superficial 'red flags' dictate or do those I trust dictate. they point out the superficial or the things they sense in their 'spirit'. Yet in the past this has served my world pain. Do I continue with what is fun with what feels right, but wrong at the same time. Is it wrong because HE says so or because of fear? YIKES. This madness must come to a halt!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do I move forward with him or are YOU telling me 'no'. Is fear telling me no by means of ultimate lifelong sabotage? I want to soar and love another as HE loves me, but it just......??????????? Is he right for me just based on his heart, his sweetness, his character? Is he for me or against me? Will YOU please tell me! Shut it down or keep it breathing! What do YOU want for me? I wait.

A Royal Covenant... Signed, Sealed, Supernatural

Psalm 45:10-11 Listen to me, O royal daughter; take to heart what I say. Forget your people and your homeland far away. For your royal husband delights in your beauty; honor him, for he is your Lord. She crys in the day. She weeps in the night. She analyzes in the light. She tosses in the dark. She inquires endlessly while awake. She dreams hopefully while asleep. She screams amidst it all. She wants to turn it off, but she does not know how! She questions in solidarity. She daydreams in community. She avoids connection. She desires relationship. She saves face often. She resolves to relate rarely. She reached out... She is reminded of her royalty. Does One really consider her as an entire beauty? You are enthralled with my beauty! You have wrapped me in Heaven's Delight! You want all of me for yourself. She saves face often. She resolves to relate rarely. She reached out... She is reminded of her royalty. Do You want me for Your purposes as an entire beauty? You count me as priceless. You treat me as a precious jewel. You eagerly catch all my tears. She saves face often. She resolves to relate rarely. She reached out... She is reminded of her royalty. Do You truly have a great destiny for me as an entire beauty? You dream abundant dreams for me. You paint breathtaking experiences around me. You patiently wait for your bride. She saves face often. She resolves to relate rarely. She reached out... She is reminded of her royalty. Do You promise to celebrate and cry with me as an entire beauty? You are pierced by my pain. You are overwhelmed with my joyful laughter. You are one with this fragile and warring bride. She continues to save face. She proceeds to relate rarely. She is reaching out more often... Reaching out reminds her of her royalty.

Do Not Unfasten Your Vision...Lock Your Gaze on The Goal!

The number three has this unrelenting presence in my realm. Is it you? Exhausted, from emotional analysis, I travel home from a vain establishment where I set hair ablaze with toxic chemicals, delineate facial intricacies and detonate brain cells along with the flickering potential to grasp the essence of 'true' beauty. It's A-okay! My skill set warrants such an effervescence for what I prefer to regard as 'accentuating true beauty'. However, this one site demolishes my viewpoint.
The horizon...whether a sunrise or a sunset...I am ripped from reality and 'lullaby ed' into the supernatural. I am beckoned to a pool of tears because of love. The Horizon speaks as if it is His face, His voice, His heart - a tangible version of His heart toward me. Screaming with a Valencia orange, a tropical mango, an unseen coral beneath the depths, a blossoming lavender and many more that I am too small to describe. A three-pronged cloud as if three fingers protruding from the end of the earth. My breath removed as tears begin pooling in the lower lid of my eyes, a gasp as I search for air. Tears...only tears. "Do not lose site of the vision. Do not loose faith in the dreams I have given you. Do not stop hoping in the goal. Do not lose site of your dreams as they are close at hand. They are nearer..." The Horizon...His face, His Voice, His heart - a tangible version of His heart toward me.

Proclamation of Affection

In this minuscule tin can I weave in and out of co-parts on the massive highway. Tailgating the vehicle just ahead as a male silhouette gently reaches out to a female shadow and affirms her with his hug. Unknown is her reaction to his affirmation. Unknown is how she feels loved. Is it conditional or unconditional? Is she truly held? Is his physical proclamation of affection for certain? Is she being duped? Who will know? She does. I know she knows! As the product of ambiguous confirmation...if that makes sense...I know she knows. Unkempt emotions manifest as disconcerting! Untouched devastation rears itself as conditional love! Unloved pain cuts with empty verbage! I know she knows. I know that this heart is yet to be healed. This heart is screaming for a proclamation of affection. So full at times...long periods of time - periods of eternal joy and unconditional satisfaction, yet conditional. Ups and downs...Ups and downs. I know she knows. A proclamation of affection - a single heart desire! I know she knows. A moment on the highway that interrupted a thought process...lunch with Monica, shopping at Posh, working out at the gym, grocery shopping for Nancy, and driving home there stood an obstacle to a unending analytical mental engagement. To halt thoughts is to jolt a world of emotion into a place of return to a desire for a proclamation of affection. I know she knows. I know He proclaims affection for her, but she remains uncertain in all her heart's desires to be loved. I know He loves me unconditionally, but as Trent says 'I just want to touch something...I want something tangible', she wants her husband to make a proclamation of affection to a lifetime of ups and downs founded in a marriage covenant with a beautiful family. All of this she knows....all of this she desires....all of this she is reminded of on the highway....all of this she is recollecting after much pain and longing....all of this she rehashes after a duo-silhouette on the freeway from a rear window of a SUV. All of this He has promised! He has promised! So, all of this she hopes for by faith!

Innocence is Static...

Look at it...