Inebriator of Choice?

All too many choices! Yikes...this evening - what will be the inebriator of selection. In this room of choice she stands...the walls are plastered with these vessels of euphoria! Some in her head, some held in her hands, some hanging from her physique....yet, there are still some written upon the walls of her heart! She is spinning out of control on the blades of her thoughts, she is dying on the vine of temporary numbing habits, she is drowning in the pool of this world's possessions....yet, there are those inebriators inscribed upon the walls of her heart!

She is certain of the healthiest choice in each instance....yet, she consistently reaches and fails to corral the lasting inscriptions...again and again she falls short and victim to the thought patterns that nearly took her life 4 years prior to the evenings of late!...Poison ultimately creating more poison...she is a princess of a King in heavenly courts suited for royalty, but she ungraciously struts to her King completely inebriated by her thoughts, her failures, her hopelessness resulting from unfulfilled deepest desires and in some cases by her fleeting choice of euphoria...once again she stands with her head hung low, her shoulders hunched to the floor and her self-image shattered...she wrestles with her identity....she knows it is found in her King, but she cannot lift her face to gaze into His Eyes...she is temporarily inebriated by things of this world...

She rips herself to threads within her mental cavity...sometimes she does this verbally in an attempt to avoid someone other than herself beating her to the punch....less painful this way, but entirely destructive to making wise choices...yet, she is aware of the inscriptions upon her fragile heart - her warring heart!...she is aware of being a survivor and all that the battle entails, yet she is thwarted by her pathetic ideation of self...she is sells out to momentary inebriation rather than the fullness of her King and all that is required of her carnal vessel....poison creating poison....a passive rejection of her calling that permits a deliberate murder of her purpose...the father of lies inebriates gleefully! The Father of Truth waiting to be chosen as her Inebriator...her King patiently holds to intoxicate her with Love!

what is my Inebriator of Choice?