You know, sometimes I think I have this battle figured out just when it all comes crashing down once again....I realize that I have absolutely nothing, NOTHING, ironed out. I run and I run and I run and I run head on into another brick wall....maybe I need to jump...shall I let go....or could I just resolve to fall? If I jump will I continue to drift and never hit bottom as I ride in the covering of the One? If I let go will I scream His name and as a result translate His love through my nothing to hold? If I just fall will I trust You and live without fear and with all of who You are? Here I am again, trying to get that place of 'thinking I have it all figured out'...this battle undoubtedly sucks at times as it permits my flesh to endure deep pain....enduring the pain grants this frail mind and body endurance for the next blow on the battlefield....the battlefield gets nastier every moment...every step gets stickier...every enemy gets a bit more sneaky. Yet, the last step, the last enemy and the last battlefield granted endurance for the next!
You know, all the time I think I have this battle figured out just when the next blow takes me to my face as it is hamburgered into the gravel...It is in that position that I realize I have nothing, NOTHING, comprehended. The anxiety eats at my muscles, the nervousness wraps up my joints, the insecurity entangles my frame and I recklessly throw my frailty into another brick wall...bruised, beaten, bloody, tired and in deliberate pain.....I get up and do it again! Strange....I should just let go, jump and fall into nothing so as to gain Everything!
You know, I must retrain my fighting style from sparring myself to sparring for love! It is on that Battlefield that I am no longer and He is!
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