A Banner of Redemption and Hope ...The Silver Lining

A glance upward through a pane of glass - gigantic white comfort hovering thousands of miles away! Such creative beauty painted upon a canvas of blue sky. A rich illumination settling in the distance has invited sherbet melons and creamy oranges to splash the white comforts with more creative beauty...yet, He is not finished painting! A word of love, "The Silver Lining."

A gaze into the world unknown and not yet understood nearly breaks the pane of glass between. A swerve and a miss...back in between the lines again and time to reset the skyward stare. Again, "The Silver Lining"....a statement almost audible and repetitive. The coziness of the heavens outlined in Silver. Large colorless pillows full of dreams outlined in Silver...

At a destination and unknown is the process of arrival as daydreaming at the wonderment of the above...what were the goals for that particular moment in time on earth? Lost in another place and jolted back to a carnal reality with the auto-pilot placement of a gadget going from 'D' to 'P'. A mind suddenly flooded with daily tasks, personal goals, routine habits and meaningless endeavors that slam the door on avenues of love.

Once again, lost in a tunnel vision of 'busy' with a longing to go back to daydreaming and a desire to pull others in!!!

'The Silver Lining' reflects upon the face in that found yet lost place. Moving between 'busy' and the 'The Silver Lining' can be exhausting and confusing. We must intentionally face 'The Silver Lining' as a means to bring a Banner of Redemption and Hope to this 'now' place of sin.

She Cannot Venture Until She Finds her Voice

An itch to scratch...A wild hair that disturbs...What is the waiting for? A move seems to fit like a glove, yet a mere twitch destroys the current stance.

A stone that must be turned...A thought to be entertained...Is this place an ordained and specific chapter? A step in another direction feels chaotic yet comfortable, yet a slight squirm invites unnecessary pain.

A journey upon a treadmill has ensued...a story paused, yet a life worn down. Has the story dog eared or has the reader continued to turn the pages of another life? It feels as though the pages have kept turning with an unwarranted wind....the main character has become damp with trying to keep up!!! The pages of the book are wrought with mildew...awaiting a treatment of new life and a new day. An antique anticipating a new hardcover rather than a flimsy paperback.

The next chapter just pages away, but the current chapter unfinished. The next chapter will remain unwritten until the now chapter has been completed. A nonsensical venture to continue striving to what locations are undiscovered if the current venture is untended.

The main character locked in the current chapter until a level of reason is accomplished....so far ahead. The destiny left unreached without each step taken...taken slow or fast should not determine the focus granted in each chapter...on each stone...with every new hair.

New levels of understanding...New depths of pain...New beauty from within...New audiences to relate...the main character cannot venture into the next chapter until she finds her voice in the current sentence!

Main character and Reader must become one in mind, body and spirit...as the Reader is ultimately the Writer of the main character's life...you are the main character!

Opinions Become Facts...Facts translate as Opinions

Inebriator of Choice?

All too many choices! Yikes...this evening - what will be the inebriator of selection. In this room of choice she stands...the walls are plastered with these vessels of euphoria! Some in her head, some held in her hands, some hanging from her physique....yet, there are still some written upon the walls of her heart! She is spinning out of control on the blades of her thoughts, she is dying on the vine of temporary numbing habits, she is drowning in the pool of this world's possessions....yet, there are those inebriators inscribed upon the walls of her heart!

She is certain of the healthiest choice in each instance....yet, she consistently reaches and fails to corral the lasting inscriptions...again and again she falls short and victim to the thought patterns that nearly took her life 4 years prior to the evenings of late!...Poison ultimately creating more poison...she is a princess of a King in heavenly courts suited for royalty, but she ungraciously struts to her King completely inebriated by her thoughts, her failures, her hopelessness resulting from unfulfilled deepest desires and in some cases by her fleeting choice of euphoria...once again she stands with her head hung low, her shoulders hunched to the floor and her self-image shattered...she wrestles with her identity....she knows it is found in her King, but she cannot lift her face to gaze into His Eyes...she is temporarily inebriated by things of this world...

She rips herself to threads within her mental cavity...sometimes she does this verbally in an attempt to avoid someone other than herself beating her to the punch....less painful this way, but entirely destructive to making wise choices...yet, she is aware of the inscriptions upon her fragile heart - her warring heart!...she is aware of being a survivor and all that the battle entails, yet she is thwarted by her pathetic ideation of self...she is sells out to momentary inebriation rather than the fullness of her King and all that is required of her carnal vessel....poison creating poison....a passive rejection of her calling that permits a deliberate murder of her purpose...the father of lies inebriates gleefully! The Father of Truth waiting to be chosen as her Inebriator...her King patiently holds to intoxicate her with Love!

what is my Inebriator of Choice?

Constantly Sparring Herself....

You know, sometimes I think I have this battle figured out just when it all comes crashing down once again....I realize that I have absolutely nothing, NOTHING, ironed out. I run and I run and I run and I run head on into another brick wall....maybe I need to jump...shall I let go....or could I just resolve to fall? If I jump will I continue to drift and never hit bottom as I ride in the covering of the One? If I let go will I scream His name and as a result translate His love through my nothing to hold? If I just fall will I trust You and live without fear and with all of who You are? Here I am again, trying to get that place of 'thinking I have it all figured out'...this battle undoubtedly sucks at times as it permits my flesh to endure deep pain....enduring the pain grants this frail mind and body endurance for the next blow on the battlefield....the battlefield gets nastier every moment...every step gets stickier...every enemy gets a bit more sneaky. Yet, the last step, the last enemy and the last battlefield granted endurance for the next!

You know, all the time I think I have this battle figured out just when the next blow takes me to my face as it is hamburgered into the gravel...It is in that position that I realize I have nothing, NOTHING, comprehended. The anxiety eats at my muscles, the nervousness wraps up my joints, the insecurity entangles my frame and I recklessly throw my frailty into another brick wall...bruised, beaten, bloody, tired and in deliberate pain.....I get up and do it again! Strange....I should just let go, jump and fall into nothing so as to gain Everything!

You know, I must retrain my fighting style from sparring myself to sparring for love! It is on that Battlefield that I am no longer and He is!

Patience is a Virtue... Yet I am not Virtuous in It!

Patience is a necessity to this life.Well, at least the life of a virtuous woman. A virtuous woman I was designed to be....yet, I can only find myself continuing to become. As the moments pass so do the monuments of my failures. Failures wrought with impatience. Another slap on the hand racked up, but more painful is the self-inflicted guilt and shame. The failings ensue pain that does not align with the means utilized to achieve a guarded heart.

Failures wrought with impatience. Impatience is not to be emanated by a virtuous woman. A virtuous woman I long to be, but I find myself resolved to the mere becoming.

Love is the greatest of these and I have discovered that the inability to wait destroys the ability to truly love and be loved. Impatience with His design in the process of becoming. The process is all too cliche. The process requires patience. So, is being virtuous the simple act of waiting well? In other words, is becoming a virtuous woman really as simple as dying to impatience? Once this elementary concept is realized as simplistic by my thick skull, I just might obtain this lofty calling of being a virtuous woman.

One in the same... Virtue is a patience... a patience that is beyond my carnal comprehension. I am not innately skilled to grasp this kind of patience. However, this shortcoming is the greatest gift as He has a place within to increase this flesh's ability to patiently love. Patient love is the love of a virtuous woman sold out to the One. The One skilled enough to create and then instill a woman with His virtue of patient love. His heart is a virtuous heart...His love is a patient love...His patient love is virtuous! Only through knowing this by faith will we become virtuous amidst a broken humanity.

Be Patient in all things...there is a perfect picture unknown, but at hand! In each of us there is a Patience waiting to become virtuous...In each of us their is a Virtue longing to be perfectly patient!

Of the Kingdom or Of the World

The Kingdom is at hand and the world is in my face!

The Kingdom is now and the world seems real!

The Kingdom is come and the world is this place!

Called to be in the world and not of the world...called to love through Kingdom channels, yet when this is practiced the feeling is of, 'not fitting in'. The result of this practice is turmoil within...turmoil between spirit and soul. Spirit of the Kingdom and Soul of the world!

Of the Kingdom or of the World?

The Kingdom vs. the World... the Kingdom is order and the World is chaos....chaos that baffles the order being strived for. How do I press into this order of the Kingdom when the chaos of this World overwhelms?

This southern gentlemen of the Kingdom claims ADD as his label because his soul screams lies to his spirit of clarity and peace. This princess of the Kingdom claims insecurity and anxiety by way of a broken spirit wrought with lies of the soul. This housewife of the Kingdom claims 'doormat' because her spirit is down trodden by the labels of broken souls. This star athlete claims rejection because his spirit is tackled by the deceit of his soul. This songwriter of the Kingdom claims 'not good enough' because he is kicked by the metal toe of the honky tonk lyrics of the soul. This precious son/daughter of the Kingdom claims worthlessness as his/her name because he/she surrendered to the demonic gall of the soul.

Of the Kingdom or of the World?

Which to claim....how to receive the gifts of the Kingdom when the lies of this world are so tangible? Yes, the Kingdom is tangible, but not obvious! The things of this World are immediate....immediately devastating, immediately hurtful, immediately deadly. Yet, we take hold of them.

The things of the Kingdom are crucial to life. Life in the Kingdom is abundant. Abundantly joyful, abundantly fulfilling, abundant in freedom, abundant in unconditional love...an abundance of the Kingdom is at hand.

One Life giving and one Life sucking!

Which to claim...how to receive the gifts of the Kingdom when the lies of this World are so tangible? At first, the lies even appear to be good.

However, 'good' is the enemy of His utmost 'best'!

Which do you choose?

Of the Kingdom or of the World?

Sometimes It Has To Be Enough that It Is Not Meant To Be!

She said,"Sometimes it has to be enough that it is not meant to be."

I paralyze myself again and again as I analyze over and over. Two weeks and no word. Where did I go wrong? What did I do or not do?

Two weeks and several days without a word... with today's abundant and contemporary channels of communication there should have been a blurp by now - better put...a text. Not even a text!

SHE MISSES HIM!

A phone call much to personal it seems...not even a phone call in the 'silent' of the night...a voicemail guaranteed and not even a phone call. She rolls her head over on the pillow...it is damp. Confused and broken as to what she could have done wrong? Where did she possibly go wrong? Two weeks and several days...no real emotional attachment. Why does this baffle her being? No real label yet it still hurts her.

SHE REALLY MISSES HIM!

Email!? Never an email expected. She is expectant upon Him, but not on the other that bestows this chaos. COMPROMISE 7! She discovers order in being expectant upon Him...she silently seeks. The flesh gnaws at her spirit! The pain penetrates the flesh, but the peace in order soothes her spirit. Two weeks and several days...No avenue of communication?!!!

SHE MISSES HIM A LOT!

Not much more than 'hanging out'...she misses this as if it were embellished with timely investments. No investments made! She misses this tremendously. Some wrong...some right! This that she speaks of delivered in a package of possible covenant...yet, so soon! She read these 'things' incorrectly. She assumed ashamedly! She felt like a princess precisely. It was too good to be true. He said, "You cannot tell me that anybody has ever treated you as sweet as I have?!?" She concurred. Maybe she should not have...

SHE JUST MISSES WHAT MIGHT NOT BE MEANT TO BE

Must she be at peace with this truth? Is it a truth? Is it guilt for possibly finding 'the too good to be true'? She must be bad for expressing this very thing. In naivety she blew it again. A princess she is...a princess - she longs to be cherished as she walks through all her days... eventually a Queen in covenant!!! Will this time come in her child-like honesty through faith or is she crazy? Her prince she seeks through pressing into the chaos by way of Him. Her prince she so desires. Is it not meant to be... no place to fit in, no time to be real, no person to accept a princess, no man to commit in love because she is 'not meant to be'.

SHE MISSES HIM MORE THAN WORDS CAN EXPRESS...SHE MISSES THE LAUGHTER...SHE MISSES THE TRUTH IN LOVE....SHE MISSES THE DIVINE DESTINY IN HIS BEING...SHE MISSES HIS SMILE....SHE MISSES HIS EYES...SHE MISSES HIS HUG...SHE MISSES HIS HEART TO LOVE...SHE MISSES HIS GRASP...SHE MISSES HIS GAZE...SHE MISSES HIS PALM ON HER THIGH...SHE MISSES HIS CHIVALRY...SHE MISSES HIS PRESENCE BEHIND HER...SHE MISSES HIS KISS...SHE MISSES HIS INNOCENCE...SHE MISSES HIS COMMITMENT TO LOVE...SHE MISSES HIS SIMPLICITY...SHE MISSES HIS COMPASSION...SHE MISSES HIS AMBITION FOR LIFE..SHE MISSES HIS ADVICE...SHE MISSES HIM IN HER LIFE!

Call her selfish, call her angry, label her crazy, reference her impatience.

SHE STILL MISSES HIM!

Yielding to Selfish Desires or I Am?

A stop sign in site...So, she stops. She is stopped for what should be the typical or should I say, legal, 3 seconds, but Hollywood has undone her patience.

A yield sign feet from her headlights...So, she yields. She yields to the right vehicle or she yields to the wrong vehicle, but McDonaldization has confused her depth in perception.

Right vehicle...wrong time - wrong timing so as to crush her being! Wrong vehicle...right time - the right time to take her out!!! Crash! She is flattened once again. She proceeded as she desired...purely selfish goggles hazed over by clouded perception...was it her impatience. She might have considered stopping longer, but her inability to wait wages war against her. If she stayed a few moments longer at the stop sign then the horns at her tail lights would have practiced singing. Those loud noises create mental turmoil in her noggin. So as to prevent an onslaught of mind battling thoughts she proceeded under pressure. Again, is she impatient or is she simply a people pleaser driven by selfish motives. Selfish motives to avoid pain....tactics to avoid the hurt end of inflicting greater wounds. In the end, she delivered herself a platter of emotional and physical pain by her reaction to what was behind and protection from what could have been lying ahead.

So, it is unrelenting! There is a fight for her life. She wants to live, but to live and die all at once!? How does she? Is she really all that selfish?

She wants to turn it all off and turn on 'I Am'...stop avoiding, stop reacting, stop worrying, stop performing, stop thinking.........Just Love - I AM!

Some Kind of Supernatural

Beneath this waterfall I stand...Beneath this water flow I cry...Beneath this flood I wait...What I wait for I do not know...this water I wait in is supernatural. It seems to be relentless as it removes the markings that once stained my body. These marking were self inflicted and other inflicted. For the most part these marking are my own handy work. Well, not so handy really...more devastating than anything! Doing my best to detach from the jaded things this life has delivered.

The waterfall continues to remove these marking...making my skin as porcelain before my eyes. What is this water flow that I wait beneath. I'm a bad girl and now I am perfect...what? I'm ugly and now I am beautiful...how? I am dirty and now I am clean...why? I proceed to inscribe, with permanent marker, these things on my flesh, but the flood of water...it keeps pouring over me. My flesh made spotless, blameless and pure. I scream at myself words of hate, pain, rejection, disgust, but I do not hear them. In shock at the appearance of perfection in this water. What is this waterfall? What is this liquid pouring out over me? Beneath this waterfall I stand...Beneath this water flow I cry...Beneath this flood I wait...Why I am waiting I do not know!

Now, a dark place before me with even dark midnight black spots to barely be seen...they are more present than ever in the past. This place dingy and full of pain...this place not under the waterfall. Where am I? Where was I? What is going on. This cold place is causing me anguish...the dark spots cause tears!

Then, a cross brands each dark spot...the cross covers each dark spot...the cross replaces the dark spots...the cross labels those painful places...the cross renames those experiences... the cross inscribed upon my heart!

There before me a flower...to be more specific a pink flower with rounded petals set before me. It bends and sways with the wind of the fields...it is fragrant with the heat of the noon day and it is kept! Hence, I am kept in this 'some kind of supernatural'.

The waterfall...the cross...'some kind of supernatural'...these two things I do not fully know, but these two things fully know! These two things are 'some kind of supernatural'.

This Game of Life!

I scowl at passers-by when my mind tells me to smile.

So, are my thoughts your thoughts?

I want to encourage those who carry sadness, but I say not a word.

So, are my thoughts your thoughts?

I want to hug the sunken shoulders of broken dreams, but I keep on drivin'.

So, are my thoughts your thoughts?

I want to rearrange the wrinkles of a distorted self-image, but I project the same scowl.

So, are my thoughts your thoughts?

I see beauty, but I remain betrothed to silence of being rejected.

So, are my thoughts your thoughts?

The thought is not what counts.

The execution by action in unconditional love is what counts.

So, are my non-actions my self-destructing thoughts?

Patiently Waiting... Whisper that I am Beautiful!

Driving down the road here in Franklin, TN

There is this picture before me

I am racing to my next errand

as I frantically soak up all that is at hand

Somewhere in between the time

there is a place that my heart stops to rest

A blink and it's gone

I am patiently waiting for You

I am feverishly searching for You

as I strive to be beautiful

I am patiently waiting for You

I am ineffectively changing for You

as I wait to be told that I am beautiful

I walk up the stairwell to work here in Nashville, TN

There's a dream set ahead of me

I pace between tasks

as I long to reach my next potential

Somewhere inside of the passing hours

there is a space that buffers the frantic

A breath and it dissipates

I am patiently waiting for You

I am feverishly searching for You

as I strive to be beautiful

I am patiently waiting for You

I am ineffectively changing for You

as I wait to be told that I am beautiful

Please whisper to me that I am Beautiful!

Chasm of Unanswers - Waiting for the Obverse?

I find myself at a place of smitten. He is sweet and absolutely hysterical. I am serious, but I love to laugh. He is rather brilliant and completely adorable. I am academically inclined, but I prefer the spiritual. He is privy to the things of the Spirit - the deeper things of God. This I appreciate, but my spirit is wrestling. I am not sure with what as it goes between two. Is this You or is this my jaded goggles telling me to put him under a magnifying glass. He thinks I am the fairest of them all. I feel like a princess. I mean I know I am a princess, but now I am held as one in the natural. Therefore, is he for real or must I stick him unconditionally under a magnifying glass. I will lose him if I do this, but if I do not I might be devastated. He preached in his past and now he writes. Beautiful is how I feel when I am with him. Am I selling myself short? Am I settling? Everyone else says I am and they even go so far as to deliver terrible information about him. One in particular says he has 'beauties' all over town despite never having met him. Is that discernment or is that judgment? Is that based on truth or based on assumption of his actions toward me and the patterns of man's past in such circumstances? Priceless is how I feel when I am with him. Am I being manipulated? Am I settling? Am I selling out? I seek HIS face in the night, HIS face in the morning. Yet I think about him all day and analyze whether or not HE is telling me 'NO'. I am blurred! I am unsure! Do the superficial 'red flags' dictate or do those I trust dictate. they point out the superficial or the things they sense in their 'spirit'. Yet in the past this has served my world pain. Do I continue with what is fun with what feels right, but wrong at the same time. Is it wrong because HE says so or because of fear? YIKES. This madness must come to a halt!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do I move forward with him or are YOU telling me 'no'. Is fear telling me no by means of ultimate lifelong sabotage? I want to soar and love another as HE loves me, but it just......??????????? Is he right for me just based on his heart, his sweetness, his character? Is he for me or against me? Will YOU please tell me! Shut it down or keep it breathing! What do YOU want for me? I wait.

A Royal Covenant... Signed, Sealed, Supernatural

Psalm 45:10-11 Listen to me, O royal daughter; take to heart what I say. Forget your people and your homeland far away. For your royal husband delights in your beauty; honor him, for he is your Lord. She crys in the day. She weeps in the night. She analyzes in the light. She tosses in the dark. She inquires endlessly while awake. She dreams hopefully while asleep. She screams amidst it all. She wants to turn it off, but she does not know how! She questions in solidarity. She daydreams in community. She avoids connection. She desires relationship. She saves face often. She resolves to relate rarely. She reached out... She is reminded of her royalty. Does One really consider her as an entire beauty? You are enthralled with my beauty! You have wrapped me in Heaven's Delight! You want all of me for yourself. She saves face often. She resolves to relate rarely. She reached out... She is reminded of her royalty. Do You want me for Your purposes as an entire beauty? You count me as priceless. You treat me as a precious jewel. You eagerly catch all my tears. She saves face often. She resolves to relate rarely. She reached out... She is reminded of her royalty. Do You truly have a great destiny for me as an entire beauty? You dream abundant dreams for me. You paint breathtaking experiences around me. You patiently wait for your bride. She saves face often. She resolves to relate rarely. She reached out... She is reminded of her royalty. Do You promise to celebrate and cry with me as an entire beauty? You are pierced by my pain. You are overwhelmed with my joyful laughter. You are one with this fragile and warring bride. She continues to save face. She proceeds to relate rarely. She is reaching out more often... Reaching out reminds her of her royalty.

Do Not Unfasten Your Vision...Lock Your Gaze on The Goal!

The number three has this unrelenting presence in my realm. Is it you? Exhausted, from emotional analysis, I travel home from a vain establishment where I set hair ablaze with toxic chemicals, delineate facial intricacies and detonate brain cells along with the flickering potential to grasp the essence of 'true' beauty. It's A-okay! My skill set warrants such an effervescence for what I prefer to regard as 'accentuating true beauty'. However, this one site demolishes my viewpoint.
The horizon...whether a sunrise or a sunset...I am ripped from reality and 'lullaby ed' into the supernatural. I am beckoned to a pool of tears because of love. The Horizon speaks as if it is His face, His voice, His heart - a tangible version of His heart toward me. Screaming with a Valencia orange, a tropical mango, an unseen coral beneath the depths, a blossoming lavender and many more that I am too small to describe. A three-pronged cloud as if three fingers protruding from the end of the earth. My breath removed as tears begin pooling in the lower lid of my eyes, a gasp as I search for air. Tears...only tears. "Do not lose site of the vision. Do not loose faith in the dreams I have given you. Do not stop hoping in the goal. Do not lose site of your dreams as they are close at hand. They are nearer..." The Horizon...His face, His Voice, His heart - a tangible version of His heart toward me.

Proclamation of Affection

In this minuscule tin can I weave in and out of co-parts on the massive highway. Tailgating the vehicle just ahead as a male silhouette gently reaches out to a female shadow and affirms her with his hug. Unknown is her reaction to his affirmation. Unknown is how she feels loved. Is it conditional or unconditional? Is she truly held? Is his physical proclamation of affection for certain? Is she being duped? Who will know? She does. I know she knows! As the product of ambiguous confirmation...if that makes sense...I know she knows. Unkempt emotions manifest as disconcerting! Untouched devastation rears itself as conditional love! Unloved pain cuts with empty verbage! I know she knows. I know that this heart is yet to be healed. This heart is screaming for a proclamation of affection. So full at times...long periods of time - periods of eternal joy and unconditional satisfaction, yet conditional. Ups and downs...Ups and downs. I know she knows. A proclamation of affection - a single heart desire! I know she knows. A moment on the highway that interrupted a thought process...lunch with Monica, shopping at Posh, working out at the gym, grocery shopping for Nancy, and driving home there stood an obstacle to a unending analytical mental engagement. To halt thoughts is to jolt a world of emotion into a place of return to a desire for a proclamation of affection. I know she knows. I know He proclaims affection for her, but she remains uncertain in all her heart's desires to be loved. I know He loves me unconditionally, but as Trent says 'I just want to touch something...I want something tangible', she wants her husband to make a proclamation of affection to a lifetime of ups and downs founded in a marriage covenant with a beautiful family. All of this she knows....all of this she desires....all of this she is reminded of on the highway....all of this she is recollecting after much pain and longing....all of this she rehashes after a duo-silhouette on the freeway from a rear window of a SUV. All of this He has promised! He has promised! So, all of this she hopes for by faith!

Innocence is Static...

Look at it...

Shifting from 300 to 500!

You know, this life is not a walk in the park, nor is it a bucket of afflictions! Luckily it's all that and the 'somewheres' in between...now, 20+ years past 5 innocent birthdays, I am partnering with a life that I did not anticipate. I saw little ones and a king at my side by 16 years past 5 innocent ones. I have yet to be an example in that manner and a helpmate to a king in Christ...frustrating! I leave it there, at that place of abandon, daily so as to journey this life in abundance and grace. I still glance at it there in that place, but to no avail! Tomorrow I begin lessons in spreading my wings...spreading them gingerly before taking flight. Careful not to crash as I have so many times in the past...my future will become my past. Remember the glory not the failure as stepping from Mercy to Mountains unfamiliar. You know, this life is not a walk in the park, nor is it a bucket of afflictions! Mercy to Mountains - Shifting from 300 to 500...gaining ground, acquiring speed, but with wings partially spread. I fear not soaring...I don't take flight fully as this life has dealt failure not glory. Your glory arises within, but a flicker of hope diminishes it's greatness. Glory with strong hope is a runway to soaring! You know this life is not a walk in the park, nor is it a bucket of afflictions! I am preaching to the choir! What is fear anyway...JUST SOAR!

His Words of Honor and Commitment

Genesis 28:15 "...I will not leave you until I have finished giving you everything I have promised you". As the author of promises (words of honor and commitment)...
Do you read my heart?
Do you know my desires?
I become buried in the battle of the obvious!
Do you speak to me or is that voice of this self?
Do you hear my cry?
I become discouraged by the dispute of the mortal!
Do you hold my heart?
Do you know how desperately I desire to let go?
I become senseless with the sleuth of analysis!
Do you have hope for this flesh?
Do you ever give up?
I become uncertain in a counterfeit control!
Do you really know?
Do you have the keys to this heart?
I become all inclusive with independence!
Would you please rest in this flesh?
Would you please release honor and commitment as nobody of this place can?
Do you want to use me as a receptacle to receive?
Do you know how to make this heart surrender?
I am paralyzed!
Your timing
Your vessel
Your promises of heaven brought to fruition on earth...
through this broken and fragile vial.

yet a fractured heart still pursues healing

She grapples with a glass of wine...she desires to clasp His heart! Is there somewhere in between? A pursuit that does not end? He seeks her love, but her love is unraveled...Is there somewhere in between? A longing that settles? He seeks her life, but her life is broken? Is there somewhere in between? Is there relent...relent? IS THERE A BREAK FROM THIS?
A reality absent of restlessness?...she desires to cling upon His heart! He seeks her deepest desires, but her desires seem as unkempt promises? Is there somewhere in between? He seeks to reach her reality, but her reality is in her hands? Is there somewhere in between? she longs to understand how He cherishes her! He seeks to yank her from the hamster wheel, but the hamster wheel is her haven? He seeks her heart? A heart absent from this world? Is she in between? Between...there is no between but there is tertwined! He seeks to forever hold her heart, not in between, but intertwined with His! One heart, One mind, One Love....One Savior!

Seize it All...One Phenomenon For Me!

Inadvertent decorations on my car...several scratches on the bumper, a lovely display of dents ornament each panel and one thought - fleeting! A Louis vuitton purse adorns the closet shelf just ten feet away and it sits comfortably next to a jewelry box dripping with accessories followed by one thought - tomorrow! Creams piled high and overflowing with cleansers, makeup, grooming tools, 7 bottles of hairspray, 6 different conditioners and 12 different shampoos and one thought - next! Shoes, dresses, capris, pants, tanks, tees and undies with one thought - shopping!!!!!!!!!! Just a thought - why? Seize it All, take everything, remove this natural cup, destroy the new, demolish this stuff and Leave one Phenomenon for me...the miracle of reconciliation to You with one thought - Love!

A Dream of Return with No Players Working...MIA

The Bowtie Effect

From left to right...the width decreases to a point....a triangle now lying on its lower right hand meeting...the A.D or anno domino? Before Christ as with this life before the tie in the bowtie...she has a previous portion to life that is revealed to be coming to an end....not a bitter end, rather a new beginning...the birthing of her latter half has been conceived...the starting point....expanding into a new width to form the second half of her life's bowtie...God is beyond....what does her second half to this journey bestow...what does He have for her....where does he want to take her...she saw black and white - the finishing of her beginning and the start to her finish....prior to meeting her king....where will he take her...who will she be...what will happen....when?....she waits, but not all that well...she waits with anticipation....she burns with passion for a dance in His citadel....His Kingdom come to her carnality!

Deceased Squirrel on The Pavement

Grey Sky...Automobiles on a two lane artery...Old Hickory prior to Grannywhite....Gloomy Haze...she drives...she sees a defunct squirrel sprawled on the asphalt just seconds from her crossing! Gross! Following are carnal beings scurrying upon the decaying rodent....grey atmosphere, red shirt and blue jeans....blue shirt and blue jeans....approaching from both sides of the roadway...IS SHE REALLY SEEING THIS? A realistic struggle....pandemonium as each civilized mortal morphs into desperate attempts to survive....a hoarding mentality over a decaying squirrel! and yet this is what must occur....this is a reality in time....DID SHE REALLY SEE THIS?

Current Catharsis Over This Land

"I Am washing over this nation!"....she seeks His heart, His voice, His secrets as she stares into the atomosphere...a clear blue sky with distant clouds, but an almost invisible layer of clouds nearer to earth...the nearer appear as rippling waves passing over the clouds behind - almost running over the white fluff in the far off. She listens and hears, "I Am washing over this nation!"

Tres...Three...3

The number three
Speaks to me
The number three in the form of a cloud
It screams so loud
The number three in the sunlight
He is communicating flight
The number three
Beckons me
The number three for His resurrection
Fashioning me under His perfection
The number three
Strengthening me to be!

One Breath Pulverizes Devilish Defilement!!!!!

One of Mine

Bolded and Underlined...within the book of Life with pages radiating golden light!

The King's Dream

She was a dream...She is a dream! The King dreamt about his princess before she ever inhaled or exhaled...The King imagined her every stroke of delicate beauty....The King designed every intricate part of her earthly temple, heavenly spirit and divine destiny. Her King calls her beloved...her king delights in her every movement...her king knows her every thought...the king reads her every heart beat...the king dreamt about his princess before she ever was! Now, she is...Now, she stumbles through training - training to be His bride....His favored one. She breaths in only because He ordained her next breath in His dream...He fashioned her...He built her from his image and made her astounding in His glory...He dreamt of her before her first day out of her mothers womb...He thought of her as perfect....He minimized her carnal weaknesses under the shadow of His supernatural strength...strength so great He does not even see her mistakes...he dreamt her into existence...He sees her blameless and pure in her white wedding gown dancing before His throne....He dreamt her as absolutely ravishing! The King had a Dream and it was me!!!!!!!

Weariness in Seeking a Humble Heart

This heart an entanglement...seeking refuge in humility...accepting to take the bottommost viaduct. This heart trampled...this heart falling on its knees to pride...failing to surrender to humility. Undue to fear...undue to anxiety of dishevelment delivered by a muddied destiny. Fear as food to pride...the revolting fruits of pride sewn and reaped repetitively. Anxiety...anxious, anxiousness....this heart speaks, "Stop!" Years robbed from this life...no longer is this heart paralyzed by the analyzed circumstances. Instead this heart is fluid by wreckless abandon to the river of life! This heart still wrought with pride, yet seeking a soaking of humility. Pour out sweet surrender and a new infilling of the humble factor!...Pour out, drench this heart with ALL OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! drown this heart with ALL YOUR WAYS! Suffocate this heart to death...death from 'circumstances' wreaking anxiety!

POWERFUL ADVISE/ENCOURAGEMENT

THESE ARE SOME OF THE MOST POWERFUL WORDS I HAVE EVER HEARD...remember the devil prowls the earth like a lion, so be prepared and wait for that damn cat to come your way so you can blow him to pieces with the Spirit of God, let your light shine ashbear, its powerful and bright....

Mindedness

to where, does this path set before me lead?...this day full, not full, boring or not boring...overwhelmed by God's grace through my fingertips, His merciful outpouring through my ministry, His unconditional love through my vocal cords (when I refuse to truckle to my flesh)...to where does all this lead me? Consistent in waking, consistent in resting, consistent in fleshly nourishment....why so discouraged, disparaged by hateful words disgorged by rancorous gadfly's with no hopeful definition to life!....living life complete with profuse blessings....couth yet uncouth (nothing more than perturbed by clairvoyant disarray!!!!!!!!!!) abandoned by earthly sabotage to lye prone, in a fragmentary state of being, before my Creator....again, why do I think I am capable to exist within myself alone?....refuge in my Designer is where I will persevere to BE....

My Reality....

My Divine Designer is My Reality....so overwrought with the decayed materiality of this physical microcosm that infiltrates my consciousness...DISGUSTED!..........equinimity is what I toil toward, but there seems to be a lack of ambitious craving as My Reality has become My Symmetry.....remedial is My Symmetry....nonessential cosmetics of this fleshly world have now paled in likeness to My Reality as I bound into the inconceivable presence of My Reality! ....As I dive into His extraordinary love I find myself in 'unreality' - a place where the tainted opinion of the 'umbrella' few does not infiltrate my temple with false pretenses that drive me to preposterous preoccupation....no longer do I grovel in the adulterated portrayal of a debutant, which is a mere antithesis to the 'Bride of Christ'!!!....my thesis of a precious princess is in My Reality!!!!!!!!!!

Snowy Facade

Well, I certainly do not comprehend 'my' ability to sustain in the absence of a paycheck for a total of three weeks...as i wake on this blistery yet beautiful morning at 6:07 I find myself in a clairvoyant state of being that is chalk a lot full of joy....God has so graciously powdered the earth with another bit of His astounding imagination....as I wait, as I wait, as I wait crouching down on this supernaturally fashioned planet I rest assured in peace; the snow is serenity in Him....these small yet superfluous snowflakes are barely visible to the naked eye yet a collection of His touch....the snow bites the flesh,yet saturates my soul with solace...in everything created, an unequivocal wonderment not beyond a balky imperfection to override...physicality will beseech humanity toward bitterness for the pestering of inconvencience...choice....label it an infallible fruition - a transcendental interlude as a display of His immeasurable and incomparable blessings....frustration over fleshly inconveniences pales to the Designers 'day off' or 'national holiday'...I chose to lay aside financial concerns on such an astounding day as this....My Redeemer undoubtedly lives...this i am certain of as the snow grips every figment of matter that halts its avenue....what an incredible imagination You have....My Lord NEVER fails to confound this menial faculty within my skull...I glare in astonishment as the snow graces each specific millimeter in its path....its absolutely perfect....thank you Father for your wonderment....never am I bored with Your wisdom in creation....You are endless with ingenious fabrication as You are Originality!.....thank you for bestowing incomparable absolution through innumerable facets...I love you Abba!

Faith in Failure/Grace in Frustration

Faith Faith Faith...Grace Grace Grace....flabbergasted by flagrant failures settled within this carnal self...who is to divulge this falsehood of 'self'...myself, yourself, herself, himself, must one continue with them self....saunter on in the prolific design of wilderness to ascertain wherein oneself resides...the Almighty - YAHWEH is the location in which 'self' is to be, not only discovered, but established...the remnants of prior pandemonium are nothing less than organic joy overflowing...a simper wrapped in grace to supersede the mediocre colorlessness of fleshly frustration...nothing remains except for a supernatural grin plastered on this temples facial epidermis - a 'self' overcome by faith full of grace....no longer depleted by obvious worry, but rather brimming with supernatural peace!

Urgency is Unabated!!!!

Urgency is Unabated - unabated like an ambulance dispatched during extreme auto profusion as far as the naked eye can see...unabated like a physician hastening to disentangle a 6lb 11oz miracle from its mother's womb as her delicate physicality becomes variegated by her own umbilical cord stripping life away...unabated like soldiers heed and ensue an onslaught upon enemy grounds...unabated like a mother uninterrupted by an automobile rapidly progressing toward her small child titillated by a round object alive in the roadway...unabated like a dog to its master's arrival home regardless of the $800 Tiffany's crystal vase that gingerly occupies both upper extremities...unabated like a bulimic racing to a lavatory without regard to a rapidly approaching death...unabated like an anxiety attacks demand for medication regardless of one humans physical aftermath...directed to who,what, where, when, and why?....Urgency is unabated in the heavenly....Who - you, I, me, us, we, him, her, she, he....What - a Revolution, a War unleashed in the spiritual realm, an unabated Surrender to His purpose...Where - in your current stride, in your plea to the Almighty, in your vocal cadence (yes, your vocal cadence...may it be fluid and poetic with love), in your resting and waking head trip, EVERYWHERE...when - NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...why (not sometimes but always) - b/c YAHWEH! urgency is unabated - unabated is boundless - boundless is restricted by fear - fear is truckling to incubus - incubus is under His feet - His feet are your foundation - foundation in Christ is Unabated - Be Urgent!!!!!!!!!!!

Profane for Christ...

Profane for Christ...Obscene within the supernatural...malediction so common to human negativity...our flesh so addicted to ADDICTIONS....execration aimed to pierce...drinking adopted to drown....drugs convenienced to numb....pornography is heinous copulation - adequately quenching the divinely designed bestowal to procreate by lovemaking...rape depicts villainous sexual dysfuntion....anorexia is infamous to distortion of ’beauty’ in the eyes of the Almighty Designer - victim to the never satisfied views of the world (mediocre at best)...so, I ask, ’ Why does profane have to be defined as unhallowed, vulgar and worldly?’...Profane was dictated a worldly definition by a carnal being graced with the ability to project and presume....profane...redefined for Christ....profane in proclaiming the Word fearlessly...profane for Christ is constitutional to infiltrating the ’profane in the world’....profanity in declaring the Truth....walk profane...be outrageous for the Almighty....

Brood of Vipers....

In my waking....i hear "brood of vipers"...."brood of vipers"...."brood of vipers"...where are they located...within self id or not...no, I am only a princess of the almighty ....do they lye beneath my armor or am I protected by my creator....is another bound by this brood ...if so how do I help this desolation.....how does this body battle the spiritual infiltration of filthiness that is unseen yet ravishing innocent souls....a brood is destructive in slight....small hatch lings of vipers....so delicate yet a bite that will slowly slay the life from a warrior princess/prince...deliberate increase in extermination by a numbing affect...minute to extensive....how to rip away? .....blind-sited by desolation.....you know nothing different from wretched torment....nemesis....seething and stealth at placing iron shackles in a manner that manipulates a warrior into prison as if it were the heavenlies.....brood of destruction in slow agony.....the strongest maybe the weakest....how do I know? how do you know?

The Enemy Has Been Defeated...

The enemy has been defeated....death does not and will not ever hold me down....what is death anyway?.....descent, lifeless, shapeless, hopeless, listless, darkness, a pitfall to rip away will....what is will? Hopeful, joyful, endless peace, prosperity in divinity,......the plan of the Bridegroom....a wedding? a celebration? daily a walk with the Almighty.....choose life NOT DEATH!...DANCE THE SECONDS WITH HIM....EMBRACING THE PRINCESS CREATION BESTOWED WITHIN.....let grace overwhelm...let mercy set free....grab tight to unconditional love and a never ending dance with a prince! a gaze down turned to all in the flesh, but really she is merely in a realm of supernatural serenity full of life....I CHOOSE LIFE! YOU SHOULD TOO.....gape into the stare of the one true beholder of beauty.....become the apple of one eye....better yet just receive a princess gene innate to your originators purpose at the beginning of this earthen occasion....JUST BE A PRINCESS IN GRACE.....FEMME, IT'S GORGEOUS.....BE A BEAUTIFUL WARRIOR PRINCESS AND DAUGHTER OF ABBA'S!!!!!!!!

Prince = Absent....Yet, I Continue a Heedless Amble to My King's Citadel

Captivated by the glorious obverse of the King....unhindered saunter to His castle wrapped in blinding light...white light, pure light, warmth, so lustrous as the rimming of His lips kiss the princess's face...heavenly, unconditional, consistent love bestowed...safety, grace, mercy, endless joy, peace and hope in pain...striving graciously for His heart...His heartbeat merely impossible to match...failing to reach perfection, but the princess grasps unbounded to the healing cloak of her almighty originator and master designer...clinging and clinging and clinging as she runs the race to organic safety....pirouettes, twirls, whirls, and princess swirls through golden fields of love...His arms outstretched to her as she slowly, but surely approaches total surrender to her King's unscathed and supernatural communication....He gently reaches to all of His breathtaking princess'....not all accept His hand....I did...I do, every moment of every waking breath He breaths into my carnal temple....I accept His hand as I lock eyes with His in betrothed covenant....captivated by His undeserved love....now captivated by a prince mirroring the image of Christ....this prince enabling His princess to erudite grace through love in all endeavors...she fails carnally to radiate grace through love...she falls short of Ephesians 4:29....a prince to encourage acceptance of His hand as she trips in her saunter by resigning to fleshly weakness....reminder, encouraging through tender chivalry...a princess cultivated....tamed through tender benevolence as a direct descendant of a heart fully captivated by His...a princess enabled by a prince....a prince encouraged by a princess enabled...a race only to be joyfully won by hearts captivated by unconditional love...a destiny in a heavenly citadel!

Past, Present, Future...

to where do past hurts truly withdraw? to what degree do present hurts disinter? how does one overcome or evade hurts as obstacles revealed for later seasons?...this cluttered mindset desires to communicate with precision and purpose...intentional love delivered graciously and brimming with joy to a target unseen....clouded thoughts...sorting through the past, the present and the future...future foretold, but for what reason? To grant peace or to instill patience misguided to impatience and pride?...present being analyzed to a crippling grade...analysis based in a Christ focused goal, but reaction based in past affliction...the present has ultimately become detrimental to the future just as the past is fatal in regards to the present...this cycle is disgusting!!! How does she stop this....opening doors based on past thorns and closing communication based in fear of rejection....who is rejecting her anyway? Rejection as a closed door becomes a supernatural blessing! blessing comes from her Divine Originator, her Master Designer....so, rejection as promotion through honesty! Lies, enormous or trivial, breathe destruction on all hearts involved...secrets lend to anxiety and distrust...distrust to resentment, resentment to poor communication, poor communication to blame shifting, blame shifting to useless 'you' statements....I can only change her, she can only change her, me can only change her,....Christ the Center of her....change to Christ-likeness....no more fear, replaced with total trust in joy and peace in unconditional love with plans to prosper His princesses and princes...she runs to the Father...through an unblemished field of flush white blossoms....she is sold out and captivated by her King!

I do not know...superlative?

to where do I find serenity? Where shall I station a heart deteriorating by way of uncertainty? My Supreme Couturier fatigued with my fatal skepticism. I find myself backsliding as I abort the gift of faith....superlative? Is it? Really? These inquiries splatter my waking hours with examination by frustration nourished in distrust....Trust, is it a supernatural superlative? Trust? Peace? Might one be the result of another? How do I know as I drowned attempting to wade into life amidst the turbulence of depression and anorexia meeting as the crashing of bitter waves. Now, this present struggle....this apparent squall of distance, love, trust, peace, frustration, patience...that's the real contention! she is as impatient as the fashion industry. She is steadfast and unchanging in her hearts desire, yet at the same time, she is victim to her wants. Does she need him? She would hassle to prove that she does, but does she really or does she yield to a self-centered want? Only her Creator has the 'ending' at His fingertips. She wants the outcome at her arms reach. She must release control. She leisurely kills her true Master Designed being. No longer does he observe characteristics of a woman at peace in her Creator. He observes chaos...he is remained in unadulterated befuddlement. She is screaming for his commitment to love her forever, but he is frightened to let go and let God escort him into a divine appointment. Grant her patience...grant her peace,but most of all grant him clarity to embark upon the most astounding and blessed journey of all. A man and woman as one unit racing to Him while overflowing with His love upon all within the path referred to as life. That's a superlative...a relationship ordained in Christ and surpassing 'NORMAL'!!! She is patience in Christ even though the unseen must become the seen. To where shall I find peace in patience?

Pain in His Grace

James 1: 2-5
Dear brothers and sisters, whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy. For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything. If you need wisdom - if you want to know what God wants you to do - ask Him, and He will gladly tell you. He will not resent your asking.Allow yourself to feel your pain...acknowlege it and experience the endearment from Your Father to you and from you extending it to others. You will be closer to the heart of the Father in your pain as it is only a portion of the pain that Christ experienced on the cross. If you are in extreme pain then you must rejoice in it because ultimately it means your Daddy is loving you where you are at. He is building character in His princess....His princess has been living in the reality of pain for the past week and it is certainly not easy, but His purpose is better than her walls of anger, resentment, self-hate, and bitterness!

She Crawled onto The Chopping Block

The purest white space...a large block before her...His throne just before the block...His ankles enormous at her eye's level...the gallish one behind her. The One on the throne was immense and she was unable to view every part as He was so vast....the demonic one just her size if not more decrepit than her own human frailty. She proceeded to place herself onto the chopping block without hesitation...with white knuckles and a blood curdling scream for a command to 'relent', she held onto His ankles with no intention to release. Ash wood bendable but not breakable...less flammable than most wood...she will not let go! The enemy stabbing at her flesh, but it does not pierce...the enemy drags his dagger down her spine...she holds fast to His ankles. She is all too aware of the extreme pain...pain that overwhelms her earthly world...pain of circumstances in the flesh, but she still holds fast to His ankles. She is screaming for release....'tell him to stop', but her strength is so great as long as she squeezes His ankles...her pain tolerance is supernatural on that chopping block as she experiences an ability to endure the pain...almost as if the hellish torment cannot destroy or kill her despite the dagger in her spine. She is at peace and continues to willingly be wrought with death strategies as her King shelters her in His great strength and might!...The pain is bearable with Him....she takes comfort in the obvious fact that He knows she will not surrender to the demonic one...She will crawl onto the chopping block again................

4 Great Obstacles---->The Throne

She faced a great obstacle...she walked right over the obstacle as if it were a cake walk! She faced a second great obstacle...she walked right through it as if it were as superficial as paper! She faced a third great obstacle...she stared at it contemplatively and then without hesitation she walked around it! Now, she faces her fourth great obstacle...she faces it still....she is facing it currently...she is glaring at it wondering how to overcome this fourth great barrier! This great obstacle is the trial she must not truckle to...she must overcome, she must overcome, she must overcome. Endurance to destroy this fourth obstacle...this fourth test of faith! She is a shallow bowl being transformed into a deep cylinder....she is being pressing on every side so as to loose all of her and gain all of Him...only the finest of transformations...only the glorious of what is within will remain! This fourth barrier still enormous and overwhelming....the fourth barrier representing a gamut of devastation at a horizontal viewpoint.....she breaths in deep and releasing striving to tear this great obstacle to dust beneath her feet of His stance...she hears, "You must speak my Word to this fourth obstacle if you want to succeed!...Speak My Word to demolish this barrier!" She can see Him or maybe she is merely aware of His presence on the other side of the obstruction...she wants to rest in His arms...she wants ALL of Him not more of Him, but ALL of Him and none of her...why is she struggling to speak His Word to this blockade...overcoming the first three were done in such grace with no striving, but their was physical action required...why is speaking Truth difficult? Why is she hesitating in this moment? Why is she speechless...she feels mindless...she places all of herself on the altar....she says, "wipe this slate clean! Renew a right way in me and give me a pure heart a clean heart! Fill me with ALL of You Jehovah!" He obliterates all she placed on the altar with one fell swoop of His forearm...Bring your desires to me....Bring your hearts desires to me....set them here before me and trust that my purpose, destiny and dreams for you are abundantly good! Speak Truth to that barrier...Speak. Come to my Throne at my feet or into my lap and rest....Be still Princess...Be Still I command!

Swirling Angels

Eyes wide shut...standing with limbs unbounded...She waited! Again, carmel fields surrounded....spotless sky abounded as a flawless white ribbon swirled around her! In perfected harmony with the heavens...the ribbon ascended into the atmosphere...up to the heavens....it was interlaced with His mighty grip...a vertical connection orchestrated by His divine nature....She just stood in incomprehensible peace with her neck flaccid and her eyes set on His...the ribbon swirling in perfect circles around her frailty...she became strengthened in the tunnel of wrapping ribbon...she was still in the solitude of vision to His gaze set upon her beauty....not a flinch...not a blink...not even a wink....just still in His love....in His ravishing gaze upon His beloved...a focus as He and her stood at a wedding altar....she had no pull to be elsewhere...just solace in His presence! No more discord for a moments time....no more pain for just a purposed second....His love always intentional, always unconditional, always just always!

Her Life Flashed Before Her Eyes...

She made the right turn and hugged the sidewalk so as to avoid oncoming traffic in the lane beside her...a large and slow moving sewage truck just ahead of her and an electric blue dodge ram hemi pulling a trailer transporting a lawn mower. The enormous truck barreling down the hill she had just come from as she looks over her left shoulder to merge her way into the fast traveling lane. The blue truck far enough off for her to make her way in she begins....she hears a loud whistling noise to her left and behind her, but thinks not much of it! She should have glanced over her left shoulder once more...the driver of the blue truck had become overwhelmed with rage at the realization of her desire to get into 'his' lane!....he sped up and at this point she was 75% of the way into 'his' lane but still 25% in her starting lane....The blue truck now just beside her and partially in the center turning lane without a moments give of increasing speed...he was not going to let her finalize her entrance into 'his' lane. As he merges back toward her honda civic in an attempt to push her back to the her original lane, his wheel is riding on her driver door and with his still increasing speed his headlight snaps her left view mirror off....She makes a desperate attempt to merge back into her original lane, but by now the sewage truck is on her right......she watches her mirror disappear into thin air within a splite second and she thinks 'this is it'....she blacks out and releases control as she is about to be crushed between two huge machines!!!!!!!!!

Life so fleeting....Life so precious....Life so fragile....Life so not within her control to live....Life almost taken without regard....Yet, her Life so protected by her Protector and Friend. She is reminded of arguing with the one she loved here and what a waste of time it was....She is realizing that she should have just enjoyed him for the fullness of who God created him to be....She is realizing that praising her King is crucial to being covered in grace....She is grasping the importance of just dripping with love and not resentment, hate, shame, guilt of jealousy.....She is learning to be grateful for every moment of life as He can give and take away to make us stronger for the journey while we temporarily squat here on earth...She is shaken!!!!

Deceased Dreams...Tombstones!

Her dreams are deceased...She can see each one individually buried beneath a white tombstone...tombstones lined up in two endless rows that decorate the flawless grass surrounding...numerous deceased dreams...as far as the naked eye can glance! She floats on by...she hovers over each individual tombstone in all its purity. As she passes on by she catches a glimpse of a distant tombstone that appears to carry a hue of pink...a vibrant pink. Why is that one pink and why is that one there in the distance pink? He answers, "Because you have yet to let the buried dream be deceased. I want you to let it die. I want you to give it to me. Do not cheat on me by exhausting yourself with feeding life to that dream that I want to bury and resurrect in My timing!!! Let it die...give it to Me?" The precious is ripped from her...the dream is torn from her...the heart's desires are buried and deceased...she releases life giving and rests in the arms of the Life Giver! As she rests a perfect and faultless white dove descends and rests upon her heart...the white dove just sets upon her bleeding heart...sweetly perched and ready to heal...ready to whisper love as she peels from her dreams...she is gut wrenched as the tombstones with a pink hue begin to show a bright white! Her dreams are His dreams instilled before she was a thought to her mother and father...His dreams are her dreams yet she must permit burial by death so that divine timing in resurrection can bless the dreams with abundant life! She lay there...broken yet free! Weeping yet Loved...her dreams are deceased!

Droplet...Ripple...Splash!

Droplet of water with a ripple effect yet a splash that discombobulates as the different drops of water hit many places!....This droplet finds that its entrance to a collection of liquid disturbs the stagnant place of demonic gall...its presence and purpose yet unknown and uninvited. The pool is reluctant to be infiltrated by this droplet...the fluid seeks to seep into the droplet without reproach, but the fluid is reproach and the droplet refuses to become. The droplet coagulates itself to outside pressure...bits of this droplet left in the splash! The splash introduces abundant droplets just as the original...the stagnant place of demonic gall is being stirred by confusion and renewal....The droplet a bit overwhelmed as parts of it break off and become a fractal...the droplet almost appears to be losing part of itself in the chaos of calling and anointing...the droplet unsure of purpose as there is no mechanism of direction....every which way...every which way....every which way...the droplet weakened as it breaks off to many arenas of the fluid...what is and why is the droplet in this place of none...almost a jack of all trades but a master of none...the droplet expands its capacity to deliver His Kingdom come, but in it dilution it seems weaker in capacity to purify the pool of demonic gall...not on its own accord but on His accord and in His strength the droplet is increased supernaturally...He is here...He is coming...He is turning the tides and the stagnant place is unable to resist!!! The tides of Heaven will be an overwhelming squall to the tides of this earth and the agenda of its inhabitants!!! Get Ready....You should come be a droplet with me...its unstable from a horizontal objective, but from a vertical gaze its a life of abundance!

New is Old...Ancient Is, Was, Always Will Be!

New is now Old...a cyclical cycle of 'new is now old'. Does the ambiguity of new ever get old? New is now Old...a irrational way of performing life. Does the farce of new ever get old? New is now Old...a crazy making mindlessness. Does the evanescence of new ever get old?
My new always ends up old in a moments time...I stand in a mindset unable to put a finger on this concept...confused!!! My new is NOW old...My new car is now old....My new wardrobe is now old...My new cellular is now old...My new books are now old....My new pedicure is now old...My new adornments are now old...My new diet is now old...My new job is now old...My new makeup is now old...My new friend is now old...My new issues are now Old...My new religion is now old...My new church is now old...Wait! What? Relationships now Old? Issues now old? Church now old?
What has gripped this society has attempted to grip my spirit...No Way, not this favored one! Ancient far exceeds the 'old'! Ancient of Days Is, Was and Always Will Be...Ancient Is...Ancient Is...Ancient Is...No New and No Old...No new becoming Old....Merely Ancient! Void my new and Cancel my old....Establish me in Ancient of Days. Clothe me in Ancient....Church me in Ancient...Adorn me in Ancient...Study me in Ancient....Fill me with Ancient...Color me with Ancient....My Ancient Is! End of Discussion!!!

Failed vs. Failure

This young daughter tried and failed. This young wife tried and failed. This young bride tried and failed. This young sister tried and failed. This young friend tried and failed. This young believer tried and failed. This 'one' hears laughter followed with, " You are a failure...don't try again because YOU ARE A FAILURE!" She can do one of two options - gather herself, brush the muck from her hands, wipe the tears from her face, instill the lessons learned and try again or she can quit and be a failure for never trying.

This young daughter tried and failed. This young wife tried and failed. This young bride tried and failed. This young sister tried and failed. This young friend tried and failed. This young believer tried and failed. This 'one' hears, "I am proud of you for trying again...let Me build your character in strength under the shadow of my stance." This little one is bruised and bloodied by wounds self inflicted and flesh inflicted. This little one resisted the mocking voice and surrendered to the loving voice of her Healer. Her pain is ravishing her ability to try again knowing that she will fail. That is just it...she will fail rather than she is a failure. Description for the moment vs. Definition of identity. Truth vs. Lie.

This young daughter tried and failed. This young wife tried and failed. This young bride tried and failed. This young sister tried and failed. This young friend tried and failed. This young believer tried and succeeded. This one found success in her failures. This one found failing to be a tool to increase from a walk to a trot to a sprint for her King.

LOVED - INNATELY JOYFUL!

She stood before her Almighty in a golden field of sweeping confusion....she could not see past heights of the golden blur. She had painted herself with shame, guilt, academic information, intelligence, fleshly beauty, fleeting memorabilia, relentless doing, roaring rage and witchcraft wrapping her up so as to strangle her! She stood before her King....she begged, "Blow Your breath upon me, Blow Your breath upon me, Blow Your breath upon me, Blow on me Daddy!...Tell me that You love me!" His breath whipped over her....the golden field bowed to Him. The painting of farce began to peel back in the mighty wind....His breath powerful! Powerful enough to push and pull at whatsoever it desires. His rushing wind, as if her painting of self was feathers upon the little girl yelling to be heard and loved. She stood still before Him. As her painting blew away like chaff in the wind...like dust under the tire of an automobile....like punching a down pillow with a tear! From the side view she appeared to have a vacuum sucking away the painting from behind. All of its manipulative colors being melting into one substance to be disposed of....there she stood. That little girl underneath the death of the world that had devastated her heart's desire. She stood, not screaming, but gazing into His eyes delivering love! She wore a white, sleeveless dress, barefoot and her muddy brown hair was pulled back in a white ribbon low on her neck....her hair long and decorating her unblemished back. She sees scars....He sees perfection....She sees scars....He sees beauty....She sees scars....He sees his lovely bride!

One who begets me....loves His baby girl!

The one who begets her....she screams for on the green table! she scream as a child, maybe 3, possibly 4 - still screaming! Veins bulging, blood pumping, sweat dripping, and emotions raging....SCREAMING STILL! Where are you? Why is she here? Why is she convulsing with excruciating degrees of assault? Why is she being kicked? What is her purpose? She was hasty to walk in what she believed to be Your will...was it not? She has yet to quit that screaming? Tell her to stop! She won't...she wants more! She wants the deepest parts of her Papa! She desires His secrets! Her secrets block her....the unknown pain stops her...the deafening voices within drown her....STOP SCREAMING! She refuses again. WHO IS SHE? WHO IS SHE SUPPOSED TO BE? WHO ARE YOU IN HER? Please tell her...please woo her so closely to You that she never diverts again....call Her into your arms, hold her there and never let her go...not ever again. She needs to know that You call her Beloved and Beautiful...tell Your darling daughter how beautiful she is....tell her how much You love her. Please Please Please....woo her - she feels so alone....she feels left behind....trampled on and taken advantage of. Woo her to your embrace....woo her to the mountain tops with You. Touch her gently in the valleys.....carry her now! Please bottle her tears as she will one day dance with you and rejoice in the morning! She will soon stop weeping and weeping and weeping! What did she miss? What did....what did....what did...?????????? Give her clarity as a child....grant her strength and wisdom with a childlike spirit again! She screams to be heard...she screams to be loved....she wants more of You - Her Daddy, Friend, and Lover. Counsel her as she unwinds this messy ball of yarn! Give her a vision of the amazing plans You have for her! Hold her every moment....Ameliorate her every anguish! Love her!

Reforming Vestments...BACKWARDS!

His Word says that joy comes in the morning....for her it comes in the evening...oppression comes in the morning. She is flabbergasted by this present stance. She requests clarity...clarity is absent. "Why is that backwards in her life?" He says, "I am doing some things backwards in her life and she needs to get over it!" Whoa....She puts a slight bend in her neck, scratches her head, looks up at Him and gazes in befuddlement. "What did you just say to me?" yet again, He says, "You heard me!"

Still Screaming...

Screaming Continued..........Why do you have her here? Why have her dreams, planted by you, been unfulfilled? Do her dreams need to die? Why is she so verbally abused by those closest to her ear, heart, and mind? Why is she all alone in this foreign location of no familiarity except that which You have surrounded her? Why is she in so much pain? Why is she so broken? Why is she treated as a scrub? Why is she taken advantage of? Why is she manipulated? She does not live as a victim or an orphan so Why does she continue to be treated as if she is? WHAT DO YOU HAVE ME HERE FOR? PAIN? PAIN? PAIN? DO I NEED TO BE MORE BROKEN? WHAT MORE DO I NEED TO HAND YOU? WHAT IS THIS BLOCK FROM FREEDOM IN YOU? WHY DID YOU BRING ME TO THIS FOREIGN LOCATION?

Baby Girl Stands on a Green Table and SCREAMS!

She stands there, upon that green table, and screams! That was the vision...the vision given to the female behind me. She whispers to her friend, "I saw her, as a young girl, standing on a green table screaming. I do not know what it means, but I saw it for her." She is baffled yet blessed. So, she still stands on the green table and screams, and screams, and screams. She is way too keenly aware of her screaming, but why standing on a green table. What is this word, what is this vision, how does it all translate? Not her vision but hers...that one there behind her. What does the Lord reveal? What is is telling her? She is waiting in confusion and conflict. She screams still....she screams, and screams, and screams!

Guffaw......or NOT!

To Guffaw or to Not Guffaw. Great joy abounds....rejections resounds. She is certainly befuddled at the offense that surrounds. Her holy spirit laughter is lidded, boxed and fixed just to the crowds taste. REJECTION STARES HER IN THE FACE! Now embarassed and labeled 'distracting', she sinks into her pew completely horrified. She truckles to the voice screaming in her head..."you are so stupid and absolutely annoying, why are your hysterics so horrible?!" "Nobody likes it when you giggle and you are only manageable in small doses...so, shutup girl." (not even called by her name) However, He lifts her chin and smiles at her giggling, her abundant guffaw....so full of joy and delight as He overflows from her carnality. He demands that she laugh...He delights in her joy! He throws His head back and laughs with her as there is healing....

break me,

remake me,

love me,

take me......

Divine Dreams...Humbled Heart!

Something Broke in Heaven...A New Release Flows through her dry place! He speaks...she weeps. He whispers...she beams with joy. He reveals...she is in awe. He crys...she heals. He hugs...she giggles. He puts His hand out...she grasps. He skips...she skips just beside Him. He invites her to dance...she twirls without hindrance as she is sure He is absolutely delighted with her. Ideation vs. Revelation....things yet to be revealed. Analysis so paralyzing that she struggles in her waking hours...she struggles to communicate with society - with those she meets paths. Her front is warped by the ideology of her earthly mindsets...mindsets that is...there is such a tumult! She truckles to these revealing dreams yet navigates the muddiness of where to take them and to whom she can speak them. Empowering He is....Preparing He is....Guiding He is....Warning He is....Why is she made prive? What does she spill? She beats herself mentally as to disclosing pride or not? Is she doomed to the pit? Is she deceiving herself? Is she a fake...a fraud? How does she know? She moves to simplicity....He speaks...she weeps....Again and Again and Again! Humility Delivered. Ding Dong!!! She opens the door...oh, humility has arrived, but it is never completely delivered. It is a process....she comes back to simplicity! He whispers...she beams with joy!....and so forth.

AM I A FRAUD?

AM I LEAKING PRIDE?

AM I A FAKE?

this is Your broken child

Walking by Faith as an Overcomer....He gazes in Delight upon her!

I have yet to come to terms with the overcomer that lies within...she is undeniable yet unfathomable...she comes face to face with an inner controversy due to her selfish altercation with 'me'...objectively, she watches 'me' in rage and screams 'STOP IT, STOP IT, STOP IT, YOU ARE HURTING HIM, BUT MOST OF ALL YOURSELF!!!!'....she keeps battling 'me', but 'me' just ignores the pain and defaults to the satisfactory adrenaline rush of the flesh...debilitated by her emotions founded in carnality she ceases to wrestle 'me'...saturated in sweat and asphyxiated by tears she finds 'me' flacid. She has become cognizant of His present risenness...in other words His presence in the NOW moments of contention and strife...His presence as a Warrior - The Warrior! She is an overcomer through her King and Warrior! She exonerates herself of 'me'....'me' passes away and she races into the arms of her King...here she finds belief in His promise full of righteousness and joy...she rests in the pain bestowed as now she comprehends the necessity of pain! She listens for His heart beat...she permits the pain to cut deep and the hurt to become a reality in exchange for the fleeting satisfaction granted by deadly anger. She is ravenous for a flood of pain as that is the venue to strength in the Everlasting Strong Tower...Strength that comes to fruition in her tumult of pain. She battles moments of fear thousands of times within a 24 hour time period, but only then is she free to reset her gaze on the eyes of her Father and King! If she tries not to flinch from that gaze, she will, but if she trusts faithfully in His gaze upon her she will not!

Ashleigh (Princess of the King)

One More (Superchick)It feels like I have lost this fight / They think that I am staying down / But I’m not giving up tonight / Tonight the wall is coming down / I am stronger than my fears / This is the mountain that I climb / Got 100 steps to go / Tonight I’ll make it 99One more / Go one more / Yeah, yeah / Don’t stop now / Go one more / Yeah, yeah / One more / Go one more / Go one more / Yeah, yeahI have everything to lose / By not getting up to fight / I might get used to giving up / So I am showing up tonight / I am my own enemy / The battle fought within my mind / If I can overcome step one / I can face the 99